Stretching The Heart: My Ayahuasca Journey

In late 2017, I had a revelation during a workshop that the way I was seeing the world had become stifled. I felt like a shriveled up lotus stuck in the mud of life. I realized that in order to learn how to bloom—to become the greatest version of myself, to understand my unique reason for being on this earth, and in order to put that reason into action—I needed a much greater paradigm with which to view the world and much greater heart. So I began to seek that new paradigm. I put myself on a spiritual quest, and I trusted the journey itself would reveal all that needed to be revealed.Two weeks ago I headed to the Amazon jungle in Peru to participate in three Ayahuasca ceremonies over 5 days.

I landed in Iquitos, the largest city on earth that’s only accessible by boat or plane, and from there I headed an hour into the jungle, to a retreat center called Dreamglade.

The reason I’m telling you about this Ayahuasca journey is because each day I did a video journal and what stood out most to me after coming home and watching the videos was not what I was saying, but being able to see, visually depicted, the depth of the process of doing real emotional and spiritual work, of what it’s like to be stretched, to break down, to have your world crumble to pieces and then to pick up the fragments and try to make sense of them. Because this is life.

That is why I put myself through these kinds of experiences—because I know they’re just a microcosm of life. And I want to get good at life—at allowing myself to be broken then finding ways to piece myself back together in order that I might become more whole in the process.

My teacher Dr. Estes has this thing where she talks about Mexican women with very round hips, and how their hips hold the world, and although my hips are not that round that’s really what I’m trying to get at—that these experiences may develop in me the strength and courage to truly hold the fullness of life, without shrinking in the face of it.

And this is something I see us empaths do all the time: shrink.

Because life is too hard because feelings are too much because the world is too fucked up. But we only hurt ourselves in the process. We only get one chance to live this life and we spend it shrinking.

So I hope that in watching these videos, the strength and courage that lives in you will be given permission to arise, so that you may expand into all the beauty and pain of existence, and live your fullest life too. 

You’re going to want to skip ahead, but I strongly suggest you sit through it start to finish, so you can really see the progression of what “emotional work” looks like and why it’s actually work.

If you’re interested in spiritual growth, follow me on Youtube, as I’ll be posting videos from all the spiritual work I do over the next few years.

Day one:

Day two:

Day three:

Day four:

Day five:

Day six:

Feel free to leave any questions or comments below and I’ll respond to them asap.

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